10/26 Blog Reviews

Ricky

I really enjoyed reading your article and I liked how in your Oct 21st post the conclusion really made your voice come alive. You did a great job of offering expert opinions on music and offering your own assessments. I believe that if you spread out your opinions throughout the whole paper it would come alive more. Your second paragraph in particular could use more narrative. Your Oct 19th free write was extremely interesting and I was captivated the whole way through. The only thing I could suggest is for you to generate a more interesting topic sentence. Your first sentence is “It was my first day of college.” By having an enthralling topic sentence, your audience will become invested in your paper and will be eager to read it the whole way through.

Natasha

I really enjoyed your posts and I believed it was organized in an efficient manner. On your Oct 21st post, I believe that you could state your opinion quicker. You state a lot of hypothetical questions and they are very thought provoking but if your opinion on the topic was stated, your voice would come alive quicker. Your second post provides a plethora of good information but I believe that your transitions could be improved. The flow is a little choppy and could be improved if you tie the information together better. The area that needs improved transitions the most is between the end of the first paragraph and the start of the second paragraph.